Is anyone really ever ready to have kids? We say things like "when we have more money" or "when this child is this age" or "when the time is right" but I am not so sure the timing is ever right. I am not so sure that anything or anyone but the love of Christ can help equip us to be the parents that He wants us to be. His word tells us in Psalms that children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior. What a powerful and vivid picture as mothers to truly envision that our children are like arrows that we will shoot into this sinfilled world to be lovers of Christ and to bring many to His Kingdom if we train them to do so.

I have spent much time lately in thought and prayer after realizing that over these last few years of our foster/adoptive journey I have chosen to diminish our story because of fear. Fear of making someone else feel as if I believe our story is more important than theirs (it is totally not by the way...He gives us each our own stories for a purpose), fear of being judged and looked at as a failing mom, or worse feeling as if others think that I am boastful and not humbled by what God has done in our lives. God has reminded me every so gently recently that this isn't about me and it never was. The enemy would love nothing greater than for me to remain quiet and scale myself back BUT if I continue to do that He won't get the glory that He deserves.

While fostering and adopting is an incredible ministry and one that I truly believe is the very heart of our Father; it doesn't come without its pain, unparalleled sorrow, and trauma (for the kids but also sometimes for the families taking them in). I am not good at recognizing the good qualities in myself (working on this in therapy haha) but one thing that I can recognize in myself has always been the ability to choose the route of obedience over comfort. This has looked like many different things in my life whether it be inner city ministries, doing mission work in Haiti, or opening my heart and family to wounded kiddos. None of us know what "cross" we will be asked to carry in this life and we don't get to choose our stories but the same stories are the perfect path to watching His story unfold.

"It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply." AW Tozer 

This quote by AW Tozer is so fitting for the time that we are in right now in our world. There are so many of us that are experiencing real and very raw pain. Hardships, stress, depression, sickness, divorce. But how do we start to make sense of what God could possibly be doing in us and through us despite our pain? The greatest thing about this quote is the reminder that if we are in a season of pain that He isn't going to leave us there. He is going to show us and fulfill in our lives just what He did back in scripture with so many before us. We can think about people like Noah, Abraham, Joseph, Moses, David, Mary, and even Jesus himself that were all greatly used by our Father because of their willingness to experience the pain. 

Often I wonder why is the pain necessary? Why can't God use me and still make me great for His glory without the hurt and suffering? Without the pain we wouldn't know empathy, compassion, humilty, and grace. Without the pain we wouldn't know our incredible need for our Savior. Without pain we wouldn't be able to help others but if we let it God can actually use our pain to create a platform to help others. The pain that I have endured has helped me far more than it has ever hurt me. Pain has caused me to live my life completely different and to genuinely want to help others.  So, here I am now with my heart open wide and ready to share our life and how so much pain can become so beautiful if you let it.